I'm The Target Audience

I am a Target addict. I give up trying to hide it. I have completely stopped trying to convince my husband that there are valid reasons that it takes me four hours to shop there. There is no excuse other than the fact that I love to wander ever so slowly from one end of the store to the other looking at dozens of items which I don't need right now but think I might need someday. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I grew up in a town which revolved around Wal-Mart because there was nothing else.

I distinctly remember how the affair began about ten years ago. While shopping at a Target in 1995, I remarked to my female shopping companion that Target had such well-designed merchandise. She agreed and we laughed it off and continued on our fun-filled day of shopping, lunching at Applebees and wondering how Waterworld could have cost so much to make. Little did I know that my pupils would slowly be turned into little red bullseyes over time.

Fast forward ten years down the road and Isaac Mizrahi and Cynthia Rowley are hawking everything from purses to shower curtains. One of the biggest seductions of Target is that it is now actually possible to get any bland household instrument in the form of a cooler designed version from your local Target store. Never knew how bad your toilet plunger sucked until you saw the cute little red one at Target that fits into it's own case. Need a new ironing board? No problem. Would you prefer Mod or Shabby Chic? The madness truly hit me when I discovered that Cynthia Rowley's "Swell" line includes a collection of household cleaning equipment like buckets and rubber gloves.

The other factor that plays into my marathon sessions at Target is the oh so smart tactic that I call "sporadic clearance Easter eggs". If you allow yourself to wander through Target at my tortoise pace, you can sometimes discover little hidden gems of marked down clearance merchandise. The little fuschia stickers glow like golden tickets. Some are concentrated on endcaps. Others are nestled in rows of regularly priced merchandise. On a really lucky day, you may find something which you previously admired but resisted because it was over your Target budget. Now you get it for half price or less. I have found some amazing things at Target for $1.98. But don't let them fool you, they know what they're doing!

I've fallen right into their trap. I know I'm not the only one. My visit last week to the Burbank Target(lucky for me, I live strategically close to two very different Targets) made me feel not so ashamed. The place was full of glassy-eyed women wandering around politely admiring each other's babies. They were my momentary comrades, and I knew how their brains were also spinning with hidden materialistic desires and budgetary restraints. I could sense their telepathic messages to the children to please remain subdued and obedient through the remainder of their Target expedition (aka. mommy's fix).

Fortunately, my Target love has yet to be hampered by my daughter's company. Nova has been a completely understanding baby and spent several hours at a time with me under the big red bullseye. Of course I have also been known to head there when I am given official "Me Time" by the hubby. Why in God's name would anyone want to spend three hours in a Target when they could do anything they want (and only really get one chance a week to have that freedom?) Only an addict.

As an active addict, it is also my duty to remain in denial and try to place the blame on something outside of myself. This instance would have to be the hip eye-candy commercials. Target commercials have gotten increasingly more complex in the subatomic nanotechnological hypnosis methods they employ. When a Target ad spontaneously unfolds during my tv viewing experience, I swear endorphins are released in my body. They're just so much darn fun to watch!

In my total anti-establishment years I never wanted to become a person to use the two words "commercial" and "cool" in the same sentence, but damnit Target has the coolest commercials ever! The only true competitors being Apple Ipod and maybe Volkswagen. How can I possibly defend myself against the sensory explosion of a Target commercial? Although for many years I denied the materialistic side of my personality, Target hits it right on the spot and it feels so good.